Home. As defined by the flawlessly precise Wikipedia is a place of residence or refuge, but can also be perceived to have no physical local – instead, home may relate to a mental or emotional state of refuge or comfort.
Why am I compelled to look up the definition such a basic word? I’m grasping at straws here . . .I’ve lost the feeling of home! I have a roof over my head, so how is it that I can feel like I’m lacking home?
We got back from vacation about a week or so ago, and it was wonderful. We got to soak up some sunshine and vitamin D, sleep in a little, eat amazing food, and spend time with some family and friends that we hadn’t seen in too long. Everything was great and then we got within about 20 miles of home and I started to get this uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach. When we walked in the door and I expected to do the traditional drop the bags by the door, hug the dog, and fall face first onto our own comfy snuggy bed. Well that didn’t happen. Then a few days later when I should have been grocery shopping so I could replenish the refrigerator and plan dinners for the week . . .well, that didn’t happen either.
I didn’t feel at home in my own home. I didn’t feel like a stranger on my own sofa or anything, it was more visceral than that. I had a “place of residence”, and I had the emotional comfort in my fiance and dog, but that comfort didn’t radiate out to the walls that surrounded us. I didn’t have the need or pull to tidy up and straighten the books on the bookshelf, and I didn’t like it! I don’t like it, it’s still here . . .or it’s not here, I miss home but I don’t know where it is or how to fix it!
Call me Dorothy, but there really is no place like home and not many feelings worse than feeling like you’ve lost it in an emotional sense.
